A poem by Marianne Worcester
This is the season of impossibles: impossible lineups, traffic, impossible deadlines, impossible expectations I place on myself; impossible dreams of a consumer paradise available to so impossibly few; the season tugs at me, swings me from pole to pole, revealing all my unresolved places: perfectionism, flowing down the motherline; seasonal lethargy, synapses calling out against the dying of the light; bleak December, in the kitchen with persimmons and an impossible recipe; and then - the thought comes that I am still just a child at large in the universe; I get in my car and drive to Jericho, hurrying to catch the last of the autumnal light over English Bay; all is calm here along the edge, the familiar sussuration of the incoming tide, the homely twitter of widgeons bobbing in the kelp; in the gathering gloom, I walk as one without hurry, without hope, a tired woman wanting to remember her place in the scheme of things, here where life is plain, where the swamp has gone humbly to winter, where time is tender; a Heron lifts off the pond on wings of swaddling linen, a Hooded Merganser pair separate from the wall of broken reeds and pass soundlessly as I stand among the blackened bramble, the red osier dogwood, the sedges, black cottonwoods, spruce and hemlock, and listen as earth’s lungs empty and fill: it comes to me that this is the stable, that we’re all huddled, shivering in wonder around a manger, our vulnerable bodies pressed together, munching, pairing, pushing and shoving, mostly unaware of how in this narrowest of places are the greatest gifts: Earth, Air, Light, Water - all around, unopened, underfoot, unrecognized; I turn, and the city stands caught in the sun’s final rays, glowing like a holy thing, at the end of a year, an age, at the edge of the continent; an impossible place, concealing and cradling gifts we hadn’t asked for, that we don’t know we need; in an instant a divine parabola contains the vast distances, and it all comes together – sea, swamp, sky, city – as the first star declares night; the imagination moves out to those first sheep-less fields where an explosion of unimaginable love set everything in motion, birthing carbon, hydrogen and oxygen, wave after wave of galactic gift-giving: fluorine, astatine, bromine, cesium, silver, silicon, phosphorus, our universe, our galaxy, being born; now here we are, in this place, and in this time, children shimmering with celestial stuff, impossible gifts, opening.
Marianne, what a treasure you’ve offered us readers. Thank you for your calming and grounding words which still the soul.
That was lovely and lengthy to read. a good read, one feels one has been on a journey. Thank you for these reflections at Christmas time!